untitled (Mood Trigger)

Mixed Media, 2008 - 2014

Untitled (Mood Trigger) emerged during one of the most difficult periods of my life, when I was gripped by a brutal, unrelenting depression. On better days, I found refuge in public gardens with my family—controlled, curated spaces where beauty thrived, and nothing bad was supposed to happen.

It was there that I found a wisteria root clinging to an old wall, stark and bare in the winter. The exposed, dormant plant mirrored my state—this was as good as it was going to get for me. Nearby, the body of a dead bird lay on the ground, its feathers scattered around it like a halo. It hadn’t been eaten, just discarded. I felt an overwhelming sorrow for the loss of its innocence, In that moment, I knew I wanted to live.

I wanted to honour its memory. Nothing born wants to die—not really. In my studio, I often work with materials I find, and at the time, I happened to have a taxidermy armature for a small bird, bought from a charity shop. Using my grandmother’s dressmaking pins and sequins from my mum’s sewing box, I began decorating a pastiche of the bird’s form in tribute. It was the only way I could mark the moment, and the only thing I made in a long time.

Untitled (Mood Trigger) remains my least favourite piece of work. It’s not a reflection of healing or survival; it’s a marker of the pain, an abyss, a sheer void, the brutality of living when you hate yourself too much to let it go. There’s nothing neat here—only the messy, painful attempt to create something when all that’s left are broken edges.

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